Roger Goodell Wins The Weekend

In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the NFL's Judge Dredd, who can finally claim victory in his war to take back the NFL from scum and villainy (a.k.a. Ben Roethlisberger's wang.) We have long known that Roger Goodell is the supreme legal authority in the land. His punishments go far beyond those of mere mortal prosecutors and judges. Where our jury system has failed, Goodell has picked up the slack—balancing the scales, so to speak. But with the coming suspension of Ben "Where Are My Pants?" Roethlisberger, the Commish may be crossing a new threshold of extra-judicial smackdowns. The first player ever to get banned simply for being a dick. Roethlisberger has never lost a lawsuit, never been charged with a crime, was neve…