In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the NFL's Judge Dredd, who can finally claim victory in his war to take back the NFL from scum and villainy (a.k.a. Ben Roethlisberger's wang.) We have long known that Roger Goodell is the supreme legal authority in the land. His punishments go far beyond those of mere mortal prosecutors and judges. Where our jury system has failed, Goodell has picked up the slack—balancing the scales, so to speak. But with the coming suspension of Ben "Where Are My Pants?" Roethlisberger, the Commish may be crossing a new threshold of extra-judicial smackdowns. The first player ever to get banned simply for being a dick. Roethlisberger has never lost a lawsuit, never been charged with a crime, was neve…
Severna Park, a Maryland high school with a history of kicking major butt at field hockey, has been disqualified from the Maryland 4A state semifinals after an annual toilet-papering ritual blew out of hand, reports the . But, you are wondering, just what the hell is an annual toilet-papering ritual? Falcons players traditionally throw toilet paper on Coach Ann Andrews’s house if they win the region championship, a lighthearted prank that Andrews said she looks forward to every season because it’s a sign of the team’s success. Severna Park is a perennial field hockey power. Ah ha. But, you are wondering, just how the hell does this annual toilet-papering ritual blow out of hand? Well, it seems the members of the 2017 Severna Park field hockey team caught toilet papering fever aft…